I have been devoting A LOT of time to reading, praying, thinking, and healing with the Lord the last few months. More and more my heart feels pricked and burdened towards justice, towards reconciling, towards something I can’t quite name just yet. I remember this feeling like a long-lost friend… one that I had to say farewell to years ago due to internal and external pressure to conform, to know, to survive in the church. It’s a feeling that something more is coming, something great, and important in my life. Maybe it is the next season rolling in. Maybe.
I can’t quite name it yet. I don’t quite know how, but I know whatever it is, whatever this Holy Spirit is creating in my heart that I yet to have words for, is being pricked at each day. I am more and more finding rest and compassion and fierceness in me that I hardly knew was possible for me.
I suppose that’s what happens when heaven gets into your world and starts creating hope in your heart.
“Unyielding gratitude to God-is how God makes us unstoppable.“
I’m a work in progress my friends, not yet whole, still quite wounded, but thriving and living more than I knew possible.
As I was reading these articles, I wanted to share them with you brothers and sisters. Maybe because I feel the same injustice the authors feel, for their words and the truth they write of. Maybe because I can resonate with what they wrote, the good, and the really really hard stuff. I can resonate with both perspectives. Maybe because I have been the judger, the evaluator, the one to isolate others, the critical self claimer and distributer of this “grace allotment”, the one to actually turn others away from this beautiful Christ likeness.
And maybe because I, too, have been the isolated, the out skirted, the forgotten. I have been the shunned, the “they/them”. I know what it’s like to feel like a shadow of person, to feel the pressing weight of depression and loneliness. Maybe you’ve felt it. More than likely you have. Christians aren’t immune to depression. Maybe I am more like Paul and more like the Psalmist than I ever knew. Maybe you are too.
The World Health Organization named depression the second most common cause for disability, second to cardiovascular disease. At any given time, 15% of American adults are taking antidepressants.
I am the result of a depressed culture and a depressor in my own culture. Maybe somewhere in between my spectrums of church experience, I am finding the true Christ and learning that it’s the little Christ in you and the little Christ in me that make the Church of God. Maybe, just maybe we are far more depraved and far more capable of love and wholeness in the Lord than we ever imagined. Maybe there’s hope for us all.
Here’s some articles to read. They speak a lot to not just the one topic they discuss, but a spectrum of struggles. Church, I hope they bless and move you, because they did that to me. Maybe it’s time for changing seasons.